"Hello you long-shots, you dark horse runners, Hair brush singers, dash-board drummers, Hello you wild magnolias, just waiting to bloom. There's a little bit of all that inside of me and you,
Thank God even crazy dreams come true." ~Carrie Underwood, "Crazy Dreams"
It was Day 2 of hiking with my friend Ali in the White Mountains. We were about an hour and a half into the hike, and were yet to see a sign for the Fishin Jimmy trail. We figured we'd have a snack at the junction, but it was taking longer to get to it than we thought, and I just thought a fallen tree was a moose. Finally I saw what I thought was the trailhead.
"Celebration junction!" I cried. It's a tradition Ali learned from her prior basketball coaches, who she hikes with a lot. Whenever you come to a junction in the path, you shout, "Celebration junction!" and click your hiking poles together or clap. It's a morale booster. It turns out, though, that what I thought was a trailhead was actually just a sign for a stream. We decided to celebrate anyway, and from that point on celebrated at every landmark we recognized from our White Mountain guide book.
Ali and I said many cheers on our hike. We toasted with brownies, PB&Js, and cinnamon raisin bagels. We took selfies at every lookout and high-fived at each summit. The hiking trip itself was a sort of junction celebration. We both just finished a successful first year at college––schools that we chose, and we're both happy with our choices.
I think about how anxious and nostalgic I was last year at this time. I still feel the nostalgia when I come home to visit, especially when I go back to see my high school's shows, but I long for my high school life less and am better able to appreciate what I had while embracing where I am now. Last summer, I celebrated my graduation from high school. This summer, I'm celebrating the present moment. There may not be a wooden sign nailed to a tree, but I'm still finding many reasons to celebrate.
"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard," a wise bear once told me. It's funny how the childhood cartoons are often the ones with the most meaningful quotes. Winnie the Pooh was a smart bear whose wise words stick to the heart like sweet honey.
Today was my high school's third graduating class. 31 members. They are officially the smallest graduating class that will ever graduate from our high school. As our Executive Director said today, though, that is exactly what made their impact on our school all the more powerful.
It was bittersweet, seeing the seniors in their caps and gowns. The selfish side of me wanted them to stay, but I knew and I know they are destined for greater things. I am amazed by how much they have grown just in the last year. Seeing them onstage, receiving their diplomas...they all had this fire in their eyes. They are so ready for the real world, even if they don't believe they are.
As I heard the graduation speeches, I got to thinking about my own future. If I had graduated today, what would I have said in my speech? What would teachers say about me? I am halfway done with high school. Many of the teachers referenced the growth they saw in the junior and senior years of the graduates. I can't help but wonder if the person standing on that stage two years from now will be different from the one who sat in the audience today and held back her tears as her friends received their diplomas. And if so, who will that person be? It's strange to think of myself changing, yet I know I inevitably will. I just can't imagine how or when that will happen.
But for now, I just have to focus on "now." The best things in life often come when we're just living in the moment, not lingering on the past or dwelling on the future. Because, as Winnie the Pooh said,
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why we call it the present." So many seniors talked about how fast high school flew by. I'm already halfway done. Two years from now, I want to be able to look back and say I made the most of it.
Ernest Hemingway once said, "There is no friend as loyal as a book." It's true. As long as there are books to read, I find it difficult to be lonely. I love vacation time when I can stay up late on my own accord and just read. I can stay up as late as I want and not worry about getting up early tomorrow morning.
Right now I'm tackling what is perhaps the hardest book I have read yet: "Les Misérables" by Victor Hugo. My goal was to have it finished by the time we perform the play mid-March at my school, but considering it is over 1000 pages and I'm only about 225 pages in, I don't think that's going to happen. I'm taking my time with it, annotating it, looking up the history. People always ask the question, "If you had to be stranded on an island with only one book, what book would that be?" I never had an answer. Now I do. "Les Misérables."
It's a book I could read a hundred times and find something new every time. Whatever boy troubles I have, whatever drama there is at school, no matter how lonely I may feel, I know I can always curl up with "Les Misérables."
I love curls in my hair. I love opening night in the theatre. I love homemade oatmeal. I love dark chocolate and almonds. I love running at sunset. I love switching my contacts for glasses at night. I love the woods in the winter. I love singing in the car with the windows down. I love eating with a spoon. I love analyzing Shakespeare.
I love many things, and today was the day for loving. Today was " A Heart Full of Love" (to quote Les Mis).
My day started early today (4am) with writing, which, alongside acting, is one of my greatest loves. I worked on my submission for a writing camp. I made myself a cup of tea and worked until 6. I took out my Flintstone's bun and my curls failed––I guess wearing the stupid bun on top of my head in front of the hot junior in my driving lesson yesterday didn't count for anything. Regardless, the curls looked good enough in a ponytail.
For breakfast, raspberry and chocolate chip heart-shaped pancakes on a heart-shaped plate.
Above, my pancake with whipped cream and Nelson's Candy deluxe chocolate sauce.
After already drizzling chocolate on mine, I got the idea to actually write on the pancakes, so I left a little note for my mom.
In my first class of the day, I analyzed Shakespeare, the romance master––although the only possible romance in the Hamlet scene we studied today was between Hamlet and his mother Gertrude, which was uncomfortable.
School was filled with lots of treats today: cookies and Hershey kisses and the quintessential candy hearts. Student Government passed out carnations at the end of the day as a school fundraiser.
My math test...not so romantic. But I got it done, which means I am done with math unti the Monday we come back from February vacation.
After school, I met with my English teacher from last semester to discuss my writing camp submission. After writing itself, my next love is talking about it. I spent time at play rehearsal, went to the home basketball game for my school, where the girls won with a 3-pointer within the last five seconds of the game. I was covering the game for my school newspaper, so at the end of the game I made sure to snag a quote from the boy's assistant basketball coach, who is about 25 and very good-looking––and of course I had to shake his hand. It's just business, right?
Then, as I left, this good-looking senior said "bye" to me and brushed my waist with his hand.
I ended the day with two of my favorite loves: peanut butter and brownies.
Chocolate, peanut butter, and a five hour play rehearsal. I can't think of a better day. After the past few weeks of end-of-semester stress, I finally have a homework-free weekend now that the first semester ended Friday. Everyone in school deserved the weekend off. These past few weeks have been "snippier" than usual amongst us students, what with all the project work piled on top of the winter extracurricular activities (which are in full swing now). I try not to take any personal offense though, because I know I have my moments when I may snap unnecessarily. At the end of the day, we're all still friends. We're here to support each other.
Today, as a sort of "end-of-semester" celebration, my friend and I got together to make homemade chocolate peanut butter cups. After a successful five hour play rehearsal, I spent six hours in the kitchen creating elaborate chocolates with fancy pastry bags; and, of course, eating chocolate. We dipped everything we could get our hands on in chocolate (sometimes literally our hands themselves), from pretzels to popcorn to apples to carrots. Yes. Even carrots. We figured since it was practically our dinner, we needed to have a vegetable. We already had the dairy from the milk chocolate, protein from the peanut butter, grains from the pretzels, and fruit from the apples. The carrots weren't bad in chocolate, but we decided carrots and chocolate are probably better left separate. On top of that, we jammed to T-Swift. Plus we got to hang out, which we haven't gotten to do in a long time.
Chocolate, peanut butter, play rehearsal, friends, and T-Swift..."these are a few of my favorite things."
I love the mornings when we get up early and just take off and go. I've certainly become more of a morning person. This summer I've had difficulty sleeping past 8:30, when during the school year I could sleep until 10:00 or later on the weekends. I'm sure I'll be cursing myself and wondering why I didn't take advantage of more sleep over the summer once school starts, but it's amazing how much you can accomplish when you get up early. And if I get up and get my physical activity done early, then I am much more productive throughout the day.
This morning was one of those mornings. Well, almost. My brother is at a basketball camp all this week, so we had to drop him off there first. But we were still out the door by 9:30, in time to catch the breakfast special at PB Boulangerie & Bistro, a french bakery in Wellfleet, MA. This bakery is certainly a hot spot in Wellfleet. At just 10:30 in the morning there was already a 30 minute wait (and yes, we waited). This bakery has everything from authentic open-faced sandwiches, flan, and various breads with names I can't pronounce. But we were here for the breakfast special, which is available until noon. For just $2.80, you can get a croissant, a fresh fruit, and a coffee. Considering it is regularly $2.80 for a lone croissant, this is quite a steal, and makes for a fun and inexpensive morning destination bike ride. Everything is more fun with a destination, especially when that destination happens to be food, and even more so when the road you take to get there is physical activity. So, you bike or run or whatever it is, and by the time you've arrived, you've worked up a well-deserved appetite.
While waiting in line, I couldn't help doing some people-watching (because what else is there to do in a 30 minute line?) Luckily, there were two very comical ladies in front of me; two friends (who looked to be in their forties), who couldn't be more cordial towards one another. Mom said they were like Disney's Chip n' Dale (they were even dressed in similar shades of beige), the chipmunk cartoon duo created in 1943. However, before making the comparison, I did a little research. I found that while they are often pinned for an exaggerated politeness, it is actually a characteristic trait of Warner Bros. characters, Mac and Tosh, created by Robert Clampett (Warner Bros. animator) for a short film titled The Goofy Gophers(1947). To top off their ridiculous civility, they have British accents. How can you get any better than that?
After we finally got our breakfast, we found a seat on the porch. I immediately took out my notebook to record the ladies' conversation:
So do you think we should get a multi-grain bread? Yeah, is that what you're feeling?
Yes, definitely a multi-grain, and what about that farmer's bread? Doesn't it just look delicious? Ohh you're right. Yes, let's do both. And what about those cookies? They're the size of my face! They do look tempting...ah, what the heck? Let's get a cookie to split. It's not like we have a wedding gown to fit into! Excuse me, how may I help you? Oh, yes! Umm...we'll have one loaf of multi-grain bread, a farmer's bread and...do you want the cookie? (nod) Okay, and we'll have one oatmeal raisin cookie to split. (undertone) Do they have chocolate chip? Ohh I don't know. Do you have chocolate chip? No? Okay, we'll just stick with the oatmeal raisin. It's better for us anyway. Okay, so I've got one loaf of multi-grain, one farmer's bread, and one oatmeal cookie–– Wait! Do you want a desert? Something chocolate? Well, I don't really think I want chocolate for breakfast... No, no, no, but for later? Oh, maybe for later... Do you like chocolate? I do like–– Have you ever had a chocolate tart? Ohhh no, I haven't. You HAVE to try a chocolate tart. Okay, so we'll have a chocolate tart, too. So I have one loaf of multi-grain, one farmer's bread, one oatmeal raisin cookie, and one chocolate tart. What about coffee? Do you want coffee? Coffee... Well, I guess we have coffee at home. Do you wanna just do coffee at home? Let's just do coffee at home. So no coffee? (looks at friend) No. No coffee. So we have one loaf of multi-grain bread, one farmer's bread, one oatmeal raisin cookie, and one chocolate tart. Is that all? One loaf of multi-grain bread, one farmer's bread, one oatmeal raisin cookie, and one chocolate tart. Yes, that's all. (Thank you for repeating everything I just said.)
These ladies would be terrible at a buffet. But I'm not one to judge. I myself am an awfully indecisive person (especially when it comes to food), and I know my friend and I have probably definitely had very similar conversations. They certainly made the wait much more enjoyable.
Although I may at times curse it and think myself weird, although it may result in my wandering off alone, spending Friday nights in seclusion with only a notebook, a pen, and my thoughts, I do believe I am meant to live a writer's life. It is not always the most entertaining, and it sometimes can be quite lonely, but if one doesn't mind being alone sometimes, then perhaps it is not a sorry thing to be. While I of course enjoy my time with my friends and would get terribly antsy if left alone for too long, I will not deny that after a consecutive amount of days spent in the company of others who don't share my same rhythm, I thirst for a period of solitude. Being a teenager and having these cravings can be difficult sometimes, when my friends are off playing but I know I am perfectly content writing or reading. But it is not something to dwell over or think too heavily on. The best antidote is to feed these cravings with exactly what they yearn for: an hour or two of solitary running, kayaking, writing, reading, or some other form of physical activity or reflection. And then I can return graciously to the hustle-bustle of the everyday life.
I have always been somewhat of a homebody. I used to––and sometimes still do––get mad at myself when a friend would invite me out, and I would decline because I wanted to spend the evening home writing or reading. There was one particular Friday night when I stayed home from a school dance to finish reading "Catching Fire," the second book in the best-selling trilogy by Suzanne Collins. There was another night I can recall when my friend invited me over to watch a movie, but I remained home to be with my short story I was writing for school. "I'm not a normal teenager," I reflected to my mom on that particular night. But what is a "normal teenager?" Who says I must comply by the general teenage definition of a fun Saturday night when the whole time my heart would be longing to get back into the enchanted woods of Icnoytol, the land of friendship? Who was going to save Fe? The longer I stayed away, the more her secret threatened to erase her forever.
I've learned that I am one who needs her share of solitude to balance her social life. I can't be going out every Friday night. After a stressful week of school, I need to come home and just have time for myself: write for myself, run for myself, what-have-you. I need time to reflect. I get run-down if I pack too many activities into a week. I've learned to just accept this. You should never be ashamed to do what you love to do. If you love to fence, fence. If you love to garden, garden. My family has an artist friend who at the last minute, cancelled a vacation with her niece because she couldn't bear the notion of leaving her painting. Never apologize for who you are, but also allow yourself to be pushed out of your comfort zone. If I haven't seen my friends in awhile, then I will push myself to prioritize a party over a night at home. It's all about balance.
Too many people live their lives unhappy. The married woman who can't stand to be alone with her husband stays with him, and she is unhappy. The teenage girl who is tired of singing, stays with it because she says she has nothing without it, and she is unhappy. The high school athlete who hates track, stays with it because he is afraid of disappointing everybody, and he is unhappy. Disappoint who? The coach? The other athletes? The parents? The spectators? Yet he says he'd rather be unhappy than disappoint everyone else.
Why? We can only live our lives for ourselves, because in the end, that is all we have. People come in and out of our lives. Are we going to sacrifice our happiness for someone who may be insignificant five, ten years from now? We can only spread our energy so thin. We have to accept that we won't always be able to please everybody. We have to pick the few whose opinions we value greatest. As Dr. Seuss wrote, "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." (I'm sorry if I've quoted that before.) Be who you are. Embrace it. Love it. Own it.
Do you ever feel like "an outsider?" Do you ever struggle with balance? Have you ever felt "guilty" for doing what you want to do (i.e. staying home even though your friend wanted you to go to the movies)? I don't have it all figured out. My mom graciously reminds that I will spend my entire life figuring it out. I can only hope that I will only ever make progress.
My friend shared this quote with me once and when I typed it into Google to get the exact words, I found it on a magnet. Figures. It's the type of quote that should be on a magnet or a card or a sign in Hallmark. What I love about this quote is that it can apply to so many different people. Whether it be a best friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a parent, a sibling, another relative...I hope you all have that one person whom it doesn't matter what you're doing with them. Chores, eating ice cream, watching a movie, going for a walk, just talking, or even just sitting there in silence. After all, "A real friend is someone who you can sit in complete silence with and still walk away feeling like you just had the best conversation in your life." In the silence, you can appreciate the moment you're sharing together. Notice. Sit on a porch swing and hear a dog barking, the birds chirping, the annoying squeak of an achy swing.
Between really good friends ("carrot friends", my mom calls them), you don't need to say anything. There's no need to entertain. There's no need to carefully word everything you say. There's no need to be embarrassed. You can just be yourself.
"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."
~Elbert Hubbard
They love you for all your quirks and goofy smirks. All your flaws and blah blah blahs. They'll never judge, but will keep you straight. No matter what, they think you're great. (Like I know this "poem" was really corny, but that's okay!) With good friends, you value their opinion and care what they think of you. But you don't need to try so hard to get their approval.
Being a friend is a 24/7, around-the-clock job. And it's not always a walk in the park, but it's worth every extra step of the way.
Do you have any friendship quotes that you love? Or songs? (Like Taylor Swift's, "I'm Only Me When I'm With You.") I love quotes. They can so perfectly summarize a situation, a feeling, a moment, whatever it may be, all in a simple phrase. Sometimes they're like a fortune cookie, strangely appearing at very apropos moments. They're comforting, too, because you know that someone out there is thinking the same thing you are. You're not alone in this big scary world, even though sometimes it may feel like you are. And they can be interpreted in so many ways, applied to so many different situations. What I may connect to my dog, you may connect to your best friend. I love responding to quotes, too. They make perfect writing prompts. Just select a random quote, set the timer for 10 minutes or so, and write whatever comes to mind! Like a good friend, your journal won't judge you! For Christmas two years ago, my friend decorated this box and filled it with quotes. She said she had looked up online the best gifts for a writer, and she said she read that the best thing to give a writer was inspiration. So she gave me a year's worth of quotes! It was such a thoughtful gift. For awhile I chose a quote every day and responded to it in a little journal she gave me. When I was done with the quote, I glued it to the border of my vanity mirror.
Thanks to all my friends who listen to me ramble and all you readers who take the time to read it!
Here's hoping you all have or find that person someday who you can completely be yourself around. Who you can share a comfortable silence with, mess up in front of, and can call at any time of the day for anything. As my mom would say, I hope you all find your "carrot friends."
This past week in World Lit., we've been working on our position papers. Everyone really seems to have gotten into them, considering we all had to choose topics that we felt passionate arguing about. This week, I have had the pleasure of peer-edited multiple papers on controversial topics like gay marriage, the death penalty, abortion, and police lying during interrogations. It has been really interesting to read my classmate's opinions, and has certainly given me some food for thought.
For our assignment, we didn't necessarily have to do any research; our paper could be based soley on moral values. For my position paper, I chose to write about where the responsibility of a friend lies when told a potentially dangerous secret. My target audience was fellow teenagers, and I think the topic is really relevant to the issues that many teenagers either have already or evidently will face in the years to come, as their world fades to shades of gray, versus the clean-cut black and white of good and bad from our childhood. Therefore, I have decided to share my paper with you. Please feel free to argue or challenge me on any of the points that I make, ask me questions, respond with a personal experience, anything you'd like!
“Hey, I have a secret. But first you have to promise not to tell anybody.” Between friends, there is an unspoken understanding of trust. When we tell our friends a secret, we assume we can tell them in confidence. We don’t have to worry about it becoming a Facebook status or the next hot topic at the lunch table. However, as we grow older, it can become more challenging to keep such promises of an untold secret. The friends we thought we knew may start to become involved in risky activities like drinking, smoking, or sex, and the secrets they tell us turn into difficult predicaments rather than innocent sleepover gossip as we struggle with what to do with the information. It was their secret to tell, but now that we have it, its ours to protect. Or is it? Rather, should it be? This is the place where we must question our responsibility as a good friend. Do we maintain our friend’s trust and keep their secret? For some, this may be an easy answer of, “My friend told me not to tell, so I’m not going to.” However, in life there are situations that require us to use our best judgement, take a leap of faith, and break our friend’s trust.
For anyone who has ever had a friend, a friend’s life is often one we treasure as dearly as our own. I want what’s best for my friends. Therefore, when one of my friends makes a decision that negatively impacts them, they hurt me too. Their success, their happiness and their well-being take priority over all other things, and God help the person who hurts them. But what happens when they begin to put themselves in danger? What happens, for example, when my friend confides in me she got drunk at a party last weekend? One may argue that my friend’s poor behavior is between my friend and her parents; I am not her parent. However, isn’t my job as a friend similar? Don’t I also have a responsibility to love my friend unconditionally? To support her? To do what’s best for her? When a friend confides in me, I believe she is asking me for reassurance, to tell her that everything is going to be okay. Or she may be using me as a sounding board to relieve herself of the stress of carrying it on her shoulders. Almost as if saying, “Can you take this from me?” Therefore, I may have to make a decision she is unable to.
Parents sometimes have to make difficult decisions. Think of all the times you argued with your parents over going out with your friends. Most likely, your parents knew their decision would result in your unhappiness towards them, but they made it anyway. Sometimes, the best decision isn’t always the easiest one, and while it may be difficult to see at the time, they do have your best interest at heart. This is not to say you must alert an adult if your friend gets a detention or skips class. However, if your friend tells you she has an eating disorder, you would not be helping her by not telling anyone. In the end, you must weigh out which is more important. Your friend’s secret, or their ability to lead a happy, healthy life?
To spend time listing possible scenarios that warrant telling an adult could both drag on and also still not leave one feeling anymore confident about the situations that require adult assistance. This is because there is no set rubric to check off when assessing what to do with a friend’s secret; no “If you chose mostly A’s, then this.” When it comes down to it, you have to know your friend and what behaviors are abnormal or alarm-worthy for them.
As we grow older, the decisions we are forced to make in life become more difficult. We can’t always confide in our parents. There are situations where all we can do is self-assess, and use our best judgement to come to a conclusion. The decisions our friends make may unsettle us at times and we may not want to keep their secret. There are situations where we unfortunately may have to break our friend’s trust to alert somebody of their dangerous behavior. However, if your friend knows you, all you can do is hope that they will trust you have their best interest at heart because, as Arnold H. Glasow wrote, “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.”
Hi all! I hope this post finds most of you now safe, warm, and with power. It's certainly been quite the week for those of us in Massachusetts! Who would've thought when they predicted the snow for the weekend that it would turn into a week-long power outage for some places? Although I can't complain too much as I was at Cape Cod during the heart of the storm Saturday night, I was certainly kept in the loop from texting my friends and family all weekend. I was shocked that nearly all of them, ranging from Worcester to Athol, were all under the same predicament: powerless.
This week felt like a police chase, never knowing how much longer we could go without school. It was probably the first October Vacation in history! And I think it was probably one of the best vacations yet. Yes, I went without power for a day or two after coming home from the Cape. My family and I camped out in the living room by the fire place, my brother Owen and I on the couch and my mom and stepdad Michael on a futon mattress. It gave me the opportunity to wear those crazy Happy Feet sneaker slippers they sell (or used to sell rather, I'm not sure if they still do) with the thickest pair of fuzzy socks I could find. Going through my drawers for long-sleeves and pajama pants and sweatshirts, only in the morning did I actually see what long-sleeve I picked out; I was just determined to get warm as quickly as possible. I braided Mom's hair (or tried to with her many layers) as the rest of them played Go Fish. After, Owen found one of his old scary story books and read them by the one flashlight in the house. (Seriously, we have one flashlight in the house.) We also have a crankable lamp, but considering 100 cranks lasts about 5 minutes, we gave up on that pretty quickly.
This vacation gave everyone, or me at least, the opportunity to catch up. Not on laundry or cleaning the bathrooms or even my homework, which I needed the Internet for. It gave me the opportunity to catch up on life, on things I had been putting on hold for months. Like reading, my writing, and just plain family time. And I'm not talking about family time as in all being in the same room absorbed in our own worlds, Mom lost in the Provincelands with Mary Oliver, Michael grading college essays, Owen trying to become the new Fruit Ninja on his iPad, and me texting three friends at once. Family time as in talking. What else are we going to do when the power's out? Cell phones are dead, the Internet is down, everyone's scattered across Massachusetts trying to find a refuge. All we have is each other.
This week, I caught up with friends I hadn't seen in awhile, and I could really enjoy them. No homework hanging heavily over my shoulder, no nothing. It was like being in the middle of summer again; my time seemed endless. My friend and I made Play-Doh, for goodness sake! (I'll post directions for that separately.) I feel refreshed, recharged from this week. I hope all of you do, too! I'm excited to go back to school Monday and hear about all the things people did while the power was out. One of my friends said they played musical chairs, another said he was in Starbucks for 7 hours. Please feel free to share your stories!
Sweet Dreams,
Megan ;)
P.S. I wish I had some pictures to post! I promise, I will try to do better with taking some of my own versus just getting them off Google Images!
