Merging In

"Just inch out into the road. Relax. Take a deep breath. Check both ways. You're clear. Drive." All my life, I have been used to "following." I question myself about everything, even when I know that I know what to do. I realized this particularly when I was learning to drive.

ME: Dad, can I go now?
DAD: Yes. The light is green. Green means "go."

ME: Mom, do I signal?
MOM: You're switching lanes. Yes, you signal.

One of the hardest things for me to learn has been merging into oncoming traffic. I second-guessed myself. I didn't trust myself to move unless someone else told me to.

As soon as I started driving by myself, that changed. Fast. The first time I drove by myself I forgot I had to drive around the rotary downtown. "You know what to do," I heard Mom say inside my head. "Think about your next move. Trust yourself."

This summer, I feel as if I've been merging into my own life. I've mused in previous posts about the newfound independence I've acquired over the past few months, between obtaining my license, traveling alone, and now as a working girl. I've found that with this independence also comes a new rhythm––my own rhythm.

In previous summers, I have followed my parents' schedule. When they swam, I swam. When they ran, I ran. When they ate, I ate. This summer, I'm not able to do this. I have my own schedule. I work during the day, I perform in a community theatre production of Les Mis at night. I have to run and swim when I have time to run and swim. Sometimes there are days I'm not able to fit in a run or a swim, because I choose to prioritize memorizing my lines, or reading, or taking the time to write. Or napping. Sometimes I need a nap.

I've also been making a lot of my own meals lately. My dinner tonight was one of my favorites so far.

I stopped by work on my way home from play rehearsal to pick up a portabella mushroom with my 20% employee discount. I brushed it with olive oil and cooked it in the oven until it was soft. Meanwhile, I sautéed kale, green beans, snap peas, zucchini, and tomatoes from our garden. When everything was cooked, I flipped the mushroom so that its belly faced up, and blanketed it with the kale leaves. Then I filled it with the other veggies. To top it off, I sprinkled grated asiago cheese over the mushroom and the plate, and added a nasturtium on the side for decoration.

After setting the table and taking many pictures, I finally sat down to eat...the food was only a little cold. 

Okay...so now you're probably thinking that I only wrote this post as a sly way of sneaking in pictures of my dinner. But I actually started the post the other night and never finished it, and when I cooked dinner tonight, I realized these pictures accompanied the post perfectly. And here's why: I'm on my own this summer more than I ever have been before. I'm starting to think more for myself. I love to be active...so I run and swim and bike, even when it's on my own. I love good food. So when I have the time, I don't just grab cereal from the cupboard or throw in a frozen pizza...I take the time to cook something for myself. 

When it comes down to it, I'm learning how to take care of myself. It has certainly been an adjustment these past few weeks...but I'm slowly releasing my foot off the break. I look both ways. And I go. 

Berry Tart Lemonade

Sophomore year...check. Driver's test...check. Summer, here I come!

It's amazing how you don't realize how stressful something is until it's over. As I finished my final homework assignment of the year Thursday night, I felt my body breathe a sigh of relief. But the real relief didn't come until 6:08 this morning, as I pulled out of the RMV...as a newly licensed driver. Hopefully my nights will no longer be filled with overturned vehicles and failure stamps (I actually don't even think they use those on road tests).

I took a leisurely lunch today. I had leftovers from last night's dinner––an avocado BLT flatbread with sweet potato fries. I even took the time to heat up my sandwich and fries in the oven, which is much more satisfactory than the microwave. The fries were certainly less soggy than they would've been if I microwaved them.

But the 77ºF weather and the sun made me crave something more: lemonade. But not the powdered lemonade or even the frozen lemonade; I wanted real, homemade lemonade.

Alas, I only had one and a half lemons and no lemon squeezer. I squeezed the lemons with my hands and got enough juice for one very tart sip. It was time to open the freezer, open the fridge, open all the cupboard doors, and see what I could find.

In the end, I was able to make one tall glass of something I call Berry Tart Lemonade. See the recipe below!

Berry Tart Lemonade (Makes 1 Serving)

1 1/2 lemons, squeezed
1 kiwi, peeled
1/2 cup - 1 cup of frozen berries
Honey
Lemon water (or regular water)

Microwave the frozen berries in a bowl for 90 seconds. This extracts the juices. Blend with the squeezed lemons and peeled kiwi. The lemonade will be very tart. To water it down, gradually add water. (I happened to have a pitcher of lemon water in the fridge, but plain water will do fine.) Add honey for a sweetener. Pour in a glass with ice cubes and taste summer with every sip.

I decorated the glass with a strawberry from our garden. I tried to show its better side in the earlier pictures.

I don't know if you can see it, but a lot of the pulp and seeds floated to the top, leaving the bottom a bit more tart. The separation reminded me of the science experiment with vinegar and oil.

The last thing to do before I ate was set the table. I wiped the glass table on the porch clean of pollen, set a placemat, and set the table for one. I even set out a cloth napkin. Sunscreen applied and sunglasses on, I pulled in my chair and closed my eyes as I savored the taste of summer right around the corner. 

Happy (almost) summer, everyone!

A Lone Stale Sugar Cone

Ice cream in the freezer...purple cow. My favorite. Black raspberry frozen yogurt with white and milk chocolate chips. A whole gallon of it. I take off the lid. The ice cream lay smooth like our front yard when it's covered in snow snow before my brother and I run through it.

But what to put it in? I look in the cupboard to see if there are any sugar cones. I love the experience of eating ice cream on a sugar cone. It's so much more enjoyable than ice cream in a bowl. Just as I start to think I'm out of luck, I spot it: the purple and white Stop & Shop box. Standing on tiptoes, I grab the box and bring it back to the counter. One lone sugar cone from last summer. Stale.

Sugar cones are best stale, though. Otherwise they crack and the melted ice cream leaks out the bottom like a funnel. Some things in life are best when they're left to sit awhile. Like Oreos. Stale Oreos are better than regular Oreos. Dip them in peanut butter like the Parent Trap and let them float in a glass of milk like a raft. Some things are best burnt. Like sweet potato fries. Or veggies on the grill. Or a marshmallow. Most fruits are best ripe.

I scoop the ice cream and balance it as I go back upstairs in my room to enjoy it in peace. I hold my ice cream cone at arm's length, and hey, my purple nails look fantastic holding that cone with the purple ice cream. It drips down my hands and I lick the sides and my hands are sticky sweet.

If You Believe

http://pinterest.com/dorothyozz/

66º today and sunny. My little cousin was over, and I decided to take advantage of the nice weather to have some quality cousin-bonding time––or maybe just to put off cleaning my room for another few hours. No...it was the bonding time.

She ran ahead and wanted to balance on every curb, pick every flower, and say hello to everyone. She asked everyone their names and then proceeded to introduce herself and me to all those who stopped to acknowledge her chirpy three-year-old voice. She grew tired on the way home, so I carried her. She was fascinated by our moving shadows as we walked under the sun.

"Look, it's us!" she exclaimed. We waved to our shadows and then made bunny hand puppets, narrating as they hopped along.

"I got to go!" she voiced.

"Me too. I need to go eat some carrots!" I said, playing along.

"I need...I need...I need to go eat some carrot cake!" She laughed.

"That's right, you liked the carrot cake Yaya made at Easter," I said.

"Yup. I ate it all up. I want some when we get home."

"Carrot cake?"

"Yeah!"

"I don't think there's any carrot cake at home," I said.

"Yes there is. Yaya gave me some to take home after Easter!" Easter was two and half weeks ago, mind you.

"I don't think it will be there anymore," I said.

"Yes there is. I believe!" she said, throwing her grass-stained arms up in the air.

In the mind of a three-year-old, if you believe hard enough, anything can happen. What a wonderful idea.

Man's Best Friend

Ernest Hemingway once said, "There is no friend as loyal as a book." It's true. As long as there are books to read, I find it difficult to be lonely. I love vacation time when I can stay up late on my own accord and just read. I can stay up as late as I want and not worry about getting up early tomorrow morning.

Right now I'm tackling what is perhaps the hardest book I have read yet: "Les Misérables" by Victor Hugo. My goal was to have it finished by the time we perform the play mid-March at my school, but considering it is over 1000 pages and I'm only about 225 pages in, I don't think that's going to happen. I'm taking my time with it, annotating it, looking up the history. People always ask the question, "If you had to be stranded on an island with only one book, what book would that be?" I never had an answer. Now I do. "Les Misérables."

It's a book I could read a hundred times and find something new every time. Whatever boy troubles I have, whatever drama there is at school, no matter how lonely I may feel, I know I can always curl up with "Les Misérables." 

A Few of My Favorite Things

Chocolate, peanut butter, and a five hour play rehearsal. I can't think of a better day. After the past few weeks of end-of-semester stress, I finally have a homework-free weekend now that the first semester ended Friday. Everyone in school deserved the weekend off. These past few weeks have been "snippier" than usual amongst us students, what with all the project work piled on top of the winter extracurricular activities (which are in full swing now). I try not to take any personal offense though, because I know I have my moments when I may snap unnecessarily. At the end of the day, we're all still friends. We're here to support each other.

Today, as a sort of "end-of-semester" celebration, my friend and I got together to make homemade chocolate peanut butter cups. After a successful five hour play rehearsal, I spent six hours in the kitchen creating elaborate chocolates with fancy pastry bags; and, of course, eating chocolate. We dipped everything we could get our hands on in chocolate (sometimes literally our hands themselves), from pretzels to popcorn to apples to carrots. Yes. Even carrots. We figured since it was practically our dinner, we needed to have a vegetable. We already had the dairy from the milk chocolate, protein from the peanut butter, grains from the pretzels, and fruit from the apples. The carrots weren't bad in chocolate, but we decided carrots and chocolate are probably better left separate. On top of that, we jammed to T-Swift. Plus we got to hang out, which we haven't gotten to do in a long time.

Chocolate, peanut butter, play rehearsal, friends, and T-Swift..."these are a few of my favorite things."

(Sorry for the poor video quality.)

What are (some of) your favorite things? 

A Million and One Things To Do

http://writingdegreezero.com/archives/810
This is an awesome image I found on Google Images. The quote is from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot, which I know I've mentioned before. The poem is genius. Really. It has so many relatable themes, no matter what age you are. One especially prominent theme is "time," so I thought this would be appropriate for this post. 

Goodness, it's been a long time since I've posted! I kept putting it off because I didn't think I had anything to write about, but that just means I've done a bad job at noticing, because every day there are dandelion seeds blowing in the breeze just waiting to be caught and planted. So I guess maybe the bigger issue is that everything I think to write about doesn't seem good enough, or interesting enough, or "blog-worthy" enough. So I do the very worst thing a writer can do: not write. And I lose touch with my pen and the pages of my notebook feel stiff and my brain is filled with cobwebs and every day I tell myself I'm going to write and I don't. And then comes the day I finally sit down with my notebook, and I foolishly think that somehow everything is just going to come and I'm going to write this great piece that I can share with the Blogger world and then, *surprise surprise!* nothing comes. I find when I've been away from my writing for so long, it's like when I haven't talked to a friend in awhile. Somehow I'm more at a loss for words than when I communicate with them on a daily basis. There's so much to say, but the question is, what do I share? What's noteworthy to share?

Do I tell how I got floss stuck in my teeth the other night? Do I talk about that cake I made for Dad's birthday? Do I talk about the midnight run and 2am cinnamon buns? I guess this is where I have to stop worrying about what people think, and just say it. Write it. Post it. And not worry about if people will like what I have to say or not, as long as my intentions are good.

So please forgive me while I ramble here a little bit...it's been awhile since I've rambled. It's nice to have the time to ramble, though. Time. Here I go again about time. It seems like there is never enough time to do everything, and I feel like I'm at a time in my life where I need to do everything. I'm being pulled this way and that way and I want to do so many things but I just don't have time.

Like theatre. All I want to do is sing and dance and get better. I could be onstage and around the stage for the rest of my life, and I would be the happiest person in the world. Except I would also want to find time to write. I want to write and get better and go to camps and blog more and write something really good and submit it and get it published. And then there's reading,  because to become a better writer, one has to read. There are so many classics out there I've never touched that I want to read and need to read, but where do I find the time to read all these books on top of what I already have to read for school? School in general has stressed me out lately. Our PSAT scores came back and they made me anxious about college and I feel like I need to be so much smarter...like I should be reading more and learning more and researching more. And then apart from my needs, I want to help others. I want to volunteer my time and make a difference.

But where do I fit all this in, while still having a social life? I feel like I have this never-ending To-Do list, and every night I struggle to turn off my brain because I'm thinking about the million and one things I need to do. Then there are some things I just keep putting off because I'm afraid of how long they'll take once I get started.

What I try to do when I get overwhelmed is make a physical To-Do list, so I can physically see what I need to get done, and have the satisfaction of crossing them off once I do something. Sometimes I write down simple tasks like "Organize binder" or even "Make bed" just to feel like I've accomplished something. Sometimes I make the mistake of writing too many things on my To-Do list, though, and then I feel even more overwhelmed when I look and see I've only accomplished maybe half of my list. Do you make a To-Do list? Or do you have some other method you use to stay organized?

I want to find my place in this world, as we all do. I want to find my purpose. Am I going to pursue performing arts? Writing? A little bit of both? A lot of one, a little of another? I want to feel like I'm doing something, and going somewhere, but lately I've felt like I've just been floating. And it's driving me crazy.

There are so many different paths I can take, and whichever one I choose will take me down a very different road. God blessed us with the gift of Free Will, and with that we can choose to take our life in various directions. While it is a blessing, it is also overwhelming at times. I wish someone would just tell me what to do.

Three cups of tea, two scones, and a muffin...

...that was how I got through my day today. It is that time of the semester when my life is consumed by homework. I knew it was a bad sign last week when I actually dreamt about working on my music project in my sleep. If only the work I produced in my head could somehow have transferred on paper, but alas, that is not how the world works.

It is so easy to get caught up with homework. I find I am the type of person who does better on a stricter schedule because if I have three hours, I will take the three hours to do a one-hour assignment thanks to my annoying meticulousness for detail and wandering teenage mind. It is easy to become consumed with work, especially because there is always something to get ahead on and always something you could be doing. But could, my friends, is very different than should.

Especially on days like today, I have to remind myself to stay balanced. Of course, I could have gotten up earlier and started right away on homework, but I have a play coming up and I need my sleep. I could have opted out for the run and swim this morning––yes, an outdoor swim in 40º weather! I'll admit we had wetsuits though :) ––but I know I am much more productive when I have moved during the day. Then there's friends to talk to and family to catch up with and chores to do...the list goes on and on. It is nearly impossible we will ever be able to accomplish everything on our to-do list for the day. (If you do, please share your secret!) And that's okay. There's always tomorrow. Whatever doesn't get accomplished today just gets pushed to the top of tomorrow's to-do list.

Our lives will be made up of many phases. There will be times in our life when we are skinnier or heavier, more social, sleep more, read more, whatever it is...and that's okay too. We're still the same person.

I don't want you to think I'm preaching, and I know what I'm saying isn't new. But I know I sometimes find it helpful when I read something or talk to someone who tells me things like this, or tells me about their quirks, because it reassures me I'm not alone. So just one more thing before I sign off for the night (I'm feeling my mind and my writing start to drift). We don't always have to be productive. I know this is something I struggle with. I often stress about making the most of every minute I have to get ahead on homework, send an e-mail, or read even a few sentences in my book. What I'm working on is being okay with sometimes just doing nothing. It is often during these times when we notice the small details like the peculiar roof of a house or the clever Tostitos® logo (seriously...check it out!). What I'm realizing is that these moments of "non-productivity" are equally, if not more important than the "productive" ones, because it is often during these moments of "non-productivity" that we create memories. For me, it is during these moments that I often receive inspiration for writing. So I guess what I'm saying is, take a break. Do nothing. You deserve it.

Sweet dreams!

Passing By

That cloud looks like an anteater, that one a teapot, that one a genie lamp. There's a cat playing with yarn, Santa's sleigh parked over the treetops, an elephant with angel wings, a duck flying South five months too early. All this I try to capture on the page as quick as I can, before the wind blows it all away. Already I look up and the elephant is blind, enveloped by angel wings. Santa's sleigh has taken flight, the genie's three wishes are expired. The yarn has rolled downstream, and with it followed the cat. There were no ants to be found for the anteater, no one jumped for tea, and the duck has left the vicinity. Now that cloud looks like a cardinal's head, that one like a long-neck dinosaur. A teddy bear tans on its back, a skinny okra whale paddles through the blue of the sky, lost, unsure of how to get to the rushing water below. The wind blows. The kayaks slam against the rocks and hip-check each other; the waves crash like dominoes. I look up again. The cardinal found a mate somewhere, the long-neck realized it's only a few million centuries in the wrong era. The teddy bear has flipped onto its stomach to give its backside some color, and the skinny orka has moved upstream, looking for its mother.

Everything is constantly changing, although we may not always notice it. We notice not the change in the tides until we look back twenty minutes later and find the sea has taken a fancy to our flip-flops and sand buckets. Neither do we notice how tall our little brother has grown or how his voice has changed; it is always the relatives we see once a year at the family gatherings who pinch his cheeks and marvel at how big he's grown. Yet there are some things, like the clouds, that remind us of how fast time flies, and therefore remind us to not take any moment for granted.

It made me think of what the priest said at my church last week. "To dwell on life's big questions––who am I? why am I here? where am I going?" he said, "––would make the act of living an unbearably tedious and tiring job." Likewise, to dwell on the gradual and inevitable process of changing and aging, would be enough to make one either A) Shut themselves in a dark room to keep from seeing the passing of day to night or night to day or B) Spend their entire life on a hopeless journey searching for some Harry Potterish Elixir of Life.

Perhaps change is so scary because the majority of the time, it seems sudden. Yet I can look at the sky and see the clouds moving, merging, separating...anxious critters, childhood heroes, inanimate objects anxious to be on their way, and I am reminded that life is always moving forward. A few days ago we had our annual back-to-school ice cream social. It's a fun time, with lots of hugging and reunions and chatter about summer adventures. Another summer has come and gone, leaving me, as always, wondering where did the summer go?

Once again, here's hoping you're all enjoying these final days of summer!

Mac and Tosh

I love the mornings when we get up early and just take off and go. I've certainly become more of a morning person. This summer I've had difficulty sleeping past 8:30, when during the school year I could sleep until 10:00 or later on the weekends. I'm sure I'll be cursing myself and wondering why I didn't take advantage of more sleep over the summer once school starts, but it's amazing how much you can accomplish when you get up early. And if I get up and get my physical activity done early, then I am much more productive throughout the day.

http://www.capecodmenus.com/restaurant/wellfleet-ma/pb-boulangerie-bistro

This morning was one of those mornings. Well, almost. My brother is at a basketball camp all this week, so we had to drop him off there first. But we were still out the door by 9:30, in time to catch the breakfast special at PB Boulangerie & Bistro, a french bakery in Wellfleet, MA. This bakery is certainly a hot spot in Wellfleet. At just 10:30 in the morning there was already a 30 minute wait (and yes, we waited). This bakery has everything from authentic open-faced sandwiches, flan, and various breads with names I can't pronounce. But we were here for the breakfast special, which is available until noon. For just $2.80, you can get a croissant, a fresh fruit, and a coffee. Considering it is regularly $2.80 for a lone croissant, this is quite a steal, and makes for a fun and inexpensive morning destination bike ride. Everything is more fun with a destination, especially when that destination happens to be food, and even more so when the road you take to get there is physical activity. So, you bike or run or whatever it is, and by the time you've arrived, you've worked up a well-deserved appetite.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chip_'n'_Dale

While waiting in line, I couldn't help doing some people-watching (because what else is there to do in a 30 minute line?) Luckily, there were two very comical ladies in front of me; two friends (who looked to be in their forties), who couldn't be more cordial towards one another. Mom said they were like Disney's Chip n' Dale (they were even dressed in similar shades of beige), the chipmunk cartoon duo created in 1943. However, before making the comparison, I did a little research. I found that while they are often pinned for an exaggerated politeness, it is actually a characteristic trait of Warner Bros. characters, Mac and Tosh, created by Robert Clampett (Warner Bros. animator) for a short film titled The Goofy Gophers (1947). To top off their ridiculous civility, they have British accents. How can you get any better than that?

After we finally got our breakfast, we found a seat on the porch. I immediately took out my notebook to record the ladies' conversation:

So do you think we should get a multi-grain bread? Yeah, is that what you're feeling?

Yes, definitely a multi-grain, and what about that farmer's bread? Doesn't it just look delicious?
Ohh you're right. Yes, let's do both.
And what about those cookies? They're the size of my face!
They do look tempting...ah, what the heck? Let's get a cookie to split. It's not like we have a wedding gown to fit into!
Excuse me, how may I help you? 
Oh, yes! Umm...we'll have one loaf of multi-grain bread, a farmer's bread and...do you want the cookie?
(nod)
Okay, and we'll have one oatmeal raisin cookie to split.
(undertone) Do they have chocolate chip?
Ohh I don't know. Do you have chocolate chip? No? Okay, we'll just stick with the oatmeal raisin. It's better for us anyway.
Okay, so I've got one loaf of multi-grain, one farmer's bread, and one oatmeal cookie––
Wait! Do you want a desert? Something chocolate?
Well, I don't really think I want chocolate for breakfast...
No, no, no, but for later? 
Oh, maybe for later...
Do you like chocolate?
I do like––
Have you ever had a chocolate tart?
Ohhh no, I haven't.
You HAVE to try a chocolate tart. 
Okay, so we'll have a chocolate tart, too.
So I have one loaf of multi-grain, one farmer's bread, one oatmeal raisin cookie, and one chocolate tart.
What about coffee? Do you want coffee?
Coffee...
Well, I guess we have coffee at home. Do you wanna just do coffee at home? Let's just do coffee at home.
So no coffee?
(looks at friend) No. No coffee.
So we have one loaf of multi-grain bread, one farmer's bread, one oatmeal raisin cookie, and one chocolate tart. Is that all?
One loaf of multi-grain bread, one farmer's bread, one oatmeal raisin cookie, and one chocolate tart. Yes, that's all.
(Thank you for repeating everything I just said.)


These ladies would be terrible at a buffet. But I'm not one to judge. I myself am an awfully indecisive person (especially when it comes to food), and I know my friend and I have probably definitely had very similar conversations. They certainly made the wait much more enjoyable.

Sweet Dreams,

Megan :)

A Writer's Life

Although I may at times curse it and think myself weird, although it may result in my wandering off alone, spending Friday nights in seclusion with only a notebook, a pen, and my thoughts, I do believe I am meant to live a writer's life. It is not always the most entertaining, and it sometimes can be quite lonely, but if one doesn't mind being alone sometimes, then perhaps it is not a sorry thing to be. While I of course enjoy my time with my friends and would get terribly antsy if left alone for too long, I will not deny that after a consecutive amount of days spent in the company of others who don't share my same rhythm, I thirst for a period of solitude. Being a teenager and having these cravings can be difficult sometimes, when my friends are off playing but I know I am perfectly content writing or reading. But it is not something to dwell over or think too heavily on. The best antidote is to feed these cravings with exactly what they yearn for: an hour or two of solitary running, kayaking, writing, reading, or some other form of physical activity or reflection. And then I can return graciously to the hustle-bustle of the everyday life.

I have always been somewhat of a homebody. I used to––and sometimes still do––get mad at myself when a friend would invite me out, and I would decline because I wanted to spend the evening home writing or reading. There was one particular Friday night when I stayed home from a school dance to finish reading "Catching Fire," the second book in the best-selling trilogy by Suzanne Collins. There was another night I can recall when my friend invited me over to watch a movie, but I remained home to be with my short story I was writing for school. "I'm not a normal teenager," I reflected to my mom on that particular night. But what is a "normal teenager?" Who says I must comply by the general teenage definition of a fun Saturday night when the whole time my heart would be longing to get back into the enchanted woods of Icnoytol, the land of friendship? Who was going to save Fe? The longer I stayed away, the more her secret threatened to erase her forever.

I've learned that I am one who needs her share of solitude to balance her social life. I can't be going out every Friday night. After a stressful week of school, I need to come home and just have time for myself: write for myself, run for myself, what-have-you. I need time to reflect. I get run-down if I pack too many activities into a week. I've learned to just accept this. You should never be ashamed to do what you love to do. If you love to fence, fence. If you love to garden, garden. My family has an artist friend who at the last minute, cancelled a vacation with her niece because she couldn't bear the notion of leaving her painting. Never apologize for who you are, but also allow yourself to be pushed out of your comfort zone. If I haven't seen my friends in awhile, then I will push myself to prioritize a party over a night at home. It's all about balance.

Too many people live their lives unhappy. The married woman who can't stand to be alone with her husband stays with him, and she is unhappy. The teenage girl who is tired of singing, stays with it because she says she has nothing without it, and she is unhappy. The high school athlete who hates track, stays with it because he is afraid of disappointing everybody, and he is unhappy. Disappoint who? The coach? The other athletes? The parents? The spectators? Yet he says he'd rather be unhappy than disappoint everyone else.

Why? We can only live our lives for ourselves, because in the end, that is all we have. People come in and out of our lives. Are we going to sacrifice our happiness for someone who may be insignificant five, ten years from now? We can only spread our energy so thin. We have to accept that we won't always be able to please everybody. We have to pick the few whose opinions we value greatest. As Dr. Seuss wrote, "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." (I'm sorry if I've quoted that before.)  Be who you are. Embrace it. Love it. Own it.

Do you ever feel like "an outsider?" Do you ever struggle with balance? Have you ever felt "guilty" for doing what you want to do (i.e. staying home even though your friend wanted you to go to the movies)?  I don't have it all figured out. My mom graciously reminds that I will spend my entire life figuring it out. I can only hope that I will only ever make progress.

Sweet Dreams,

Megan ;)

P.S. "Did you notice?" is updated.

A Pinch of Sunshine: Banana Bites

One of the things I love most about summer is all the free time is provides. Time to write, time to run, time to bike, time to talk, time to hang out with friends and family, time to eat, and, of course, time to cook. Of course, throughout the course of the school year, I do write and run and bike and talk and hang out with my friends and eat (obviously), but the key word is time. Summer allows us to relax and enjoy life's pleasures. No more running in the parking lot under the street lights, no more math class conversations interrupted every two minutes by a new word problem, no more eating in the car on the way to the bus stop.

With the freedom of summer and time stretched out in front of me like a wide open grass field, I've taken the time to experiment in the kitchen a bit lately. By no means are my experiments daring or particularly innovative. My experiments typically tend to lean more toward styling foods, adding an extra ingredient for health, or combining my favorite recipes.

What's the fun in cooking, though, if you have no one to share it with? That's why this summer, I will be posting any fun recipes I find/create in a series called, "A Pinch of Sunshine." A pinch of sunshine will be sure to liven up any recipe, right???

Today's recipe is a spin-off of a recipe I found on the blog Chocolate-Covered Katie, which I've featured before on my blog in my post "Inspired by Oatmeal." As a recap or for newer readers, Chocolate-Covered Katie is, as blogger Katie describes it, "the healthy dessert blog," where she finds healthy ingredient substitutions to make those treats that may test our self-restraint. Her post was titled "Breakfast Banana Pops," which are essentially frozen banana popsicles. With the streak of hot weather we had these past couple of days, I was desperate for a cool and healthy treat.

In her recipe, she had the bananas cut in half and stuck on popsicle sticks. However, my family and I found that we liked them better off the stick and bite-sized. The ingredients required and how to make them are primarily the same, though. I'm calling them "Banana Bites."


Banana Bites

The primary ingredient, as you may have guessed, is bananas. To make the Banana Bites, I cut a banana into fourths. Our bananas were huge, so these were more like three-bite banana bites. Feel free to split the banana however you like, but the bites should be big enough so you can roll them in whatever toppings you decide. 

After you've cut the bananas, you need to roll them in some sort of coating so the toppings will stick. Pictured above is a banana rolled in peanut butter. I melted the peanut butter for 30 seconds in the microwave to make it soupier so it was easier to roll the banana.  Pictured below is a banana rolled in plain yogurt. I'm curious to try rolling a banana in honey, melted Nutella, or just plain chocolate. Who am I kidding? How can anything be "just plain chocolate?"

After you have your coating, here comes the fun part: toppings! The toppings can be anything from granola to Jimmies to slivered almonds. In Spanish, we say "a gusto," which means "to your liking." I would recommend just opening your cabinet and seeing what you have! Whatever toppings you choose, they should be small and flat enough that they will stick to the banana. (Chocolate-Covered Katie gave the idea of crushed chocolate chip cookies.)

This weekend, I tried:

• Plain yogurt, slivered almonds, granola, drizzled honey
• Plain yogurt, granola
• Plain yogurt, granola, drizzled chocolate
• Plain yogurt, crushed gingersnaps
• Plain yogurt, Multi-Grain Cheerios

Then my mom thought of peanut butter, which I rolled in slivered almonds. How could I not have thought of that?! 

I wasn't a fan of the Cheerios, because they got kind of soggy in the freezer. My vote would go for the plain yogurt, slivered almonds, granola, and drizzled honey, and the peanut butter and slivered almonds. Next batch I make, I'm going to try softening strawberries or blueberries and rolling the Banana Bites in that. As soon as we get more shredded coconut, I'm going to try chocolate-coated with shredded coconut (another idea of my mom's...her sweet tooth is ingenious). You really can't go wrong with this recipe!

Pour your toppings into a shallow dish or plate, and roll the banana. Place a sheet of wax paper or tinfoil on a tray or plate, arrange your Banana Bites, and place in the freezer. The bananas take a good 3-4 hours to freeze, so I've been making them the night before and letting them freeze overnight. Because they're frozen, you don't have to worry about them going bad, but they might get a little freezer-burned if they're in there for an extended period of time. 

Enjoy with a pinch of sunshine!

I would love to hear some of your favorite spin-offs of this recipe. Experiment and go to town with different toppings and coatings, and please comment with some of your favorites. I'm always looking for new ideas to try. Happy experimenting!

Freshman Year

Freshman year...check. It's true when they say that time flies a lot faster as you get older. No longer are the times when the two days before you could go over for friend's house to bake cookies seemed like weeks; gone are the days when you made paper chains to count down until your birthday or Christmas. The Taylor Swift calendar in my bedroom still reads March, and before that it read January.

It seems like only yesterday I walked into Music class late because I misread my schedule and ended up in a class of seniors (classic first day of high school). I remember so many individual days so vividly: lunchtime conversations, late nights (many late nights) of homework, a hard track workout, a play rehearsal. The individual days seemed to move by slow, but the weeks and the months rushed by so now I sit on my couch in Cape Code, typing away with the blue sky outside and nothing to distract me from what I love to do most: write, run, swim, and be by the beach.

I started this blog freshman year as a way to make a commitment to my writing. Here I have this faint vision, this vague idea of what I want to do with my life; somewhere in the distance I can see the finish line. Ever since 3rd grade when my teacher first inspired me to write, I think it's been there. In fact, it's probably been there my entire life, it just took me a little while to find it.

We all have a destiny, and life is about getting on the path to take us there. Some of our paths may be more direct than others; some people may need to travel on some very windy roads and at one point in our lives we will all probably have to make a U-turn. Sometimes we'll take the highway, sometimes we'll take the back roads. We may have to climb some hills in our life, but just remember as you're trudging along that there's always a downhill after to cruise on. At times we may run out of gas or a tire may go flat, and at this point it is time to pull over to the breakdown lane and reevaluate the situation. Not everyone is going to be a friendly driver; not everyone is going to let you pass. We'll probably all be honked at and/or pulled over at some point in our lives, but we have to accept that we're only human, and we're going to make mistakes. A ticket is not the end of the world, it's just a reminder that helps us stay on the right path. There may be a time we take the road with the cross signs, and we may ignore the "Danger Ahead" warnings. We may think we're too cool or know better than the "Stop" signs or the traffic lights, but we'll realize there are rules for a reason.

In light of my extended and hopefully not exhausted metaphor about the path of life, I thought I'd share a poem with you by Robert Frost, where he reflects upon the path he's chosen.

http://www.daily-manna.com/inspirations/the-road-not-taken

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost

Coming full-circle, I started this blog in hopes that it would help me figure out who I was. We come into high school with so much prospect, possibility, potential. We are a slab of clay, just waiting to be molded, and it is in high school we start to meet those people, come across those places, and experience those events that begin to shape us into who we are. But coming out of freshman year, I still feel like I'm so far from figuring out who I am. I know my future has something with writing in it, but writing is such a broad field that I can take anywhere. I still don't know where I belong, but I think this blog brings me one step closer.

Self-reflections are important––although sometimes I may self-reflect too much, driving myself (and my Mom) a little batty. My favorite part about a birthday, the summer, a new year, is sitting back and thinking about what I learned. Freshman year was a big adjustment year, between the increased homework load, new friends, new commitments, and new passions. I've had to do a lot of self-evaluation, as I reflected upon in my post, Redefining Me. I've realized that I love theatre, and that I might want to tip the theatre vs. sports scale a little more toward theatre, despite my reputation as a track athlete.

Sometimes I wish someone would just show me a path, hand me a map, point me in the right direction. Chances are, though, I'll probably spend my entire life trying to find the best route. At some point, I will find my center point. I've begun doing Sun Salutation (Surya Namaskaar) in the morning, and I've found it to be a relaxing way to start my day. It gives me time to reflect and think about the day to come, as I ask to find my balance, and to find joy and happiness in all that I do. I acknowledge that I will make mistakes, and I make a promise to embrace change. I vow to live in the moment, think fondly on the past, and optimistically about the future. Every day is a new opportunity to get oneself on the path they are destined to take.

Take the time to reflect today. Do you have any advice for how to find your path? Do you have any morning routines? How do you find balance?

Here's hoping you all find your path someday,

Megan xo

P.S.  It's about time "Did you notice..." was updated, don't you think?

Oatmeal at Home

Oatmeal at home tastes so much better than oatmeal in the car. I can't understand how people like fast food so much. It all seems too...rushed. I'm not saying I don't enjoy the occasional trip to KFC or a Frosty at Wendy's, but I feel so much better after a sit-down dinner at home or a hand-packed lunch. There's so much rushing in the day, eating should be the time to sit down, reflect on the day, and just relax. Some people eat fast and others eat slow, but regardless of how you eat, food is meant to be savored and enjoyed.

And just like how food is not meant to be rushed, neither is a blog, which is why I have been away from it for so long. Upon returning home from San Diego, the end-of-the-year chaos all the upperclassmen warned us freshmen about began. Projects were assigned in every class, Honors deadlines from the beginning of the semester began creeping up, and between volunteer hours, track practice, and trying not to be a complete hermit, my blog and my writing unfortunately had to take a backseat for awhile. Now, after a month of writing only for teachers and my grades, I can finally sit down and write for the audience I most enjoy: my readers. I've missed updating the blog every week, and while the end of the year is always chaotic, there's so much that goes on too...so much to write about! I still have so many stories from San Diego to share, and other blog posts I've been gathering in my journal that are bursting with energy and excited to be shared. But I knew I wouldn't be able to give the stories justice with my limited time, and the last thing I wanted to do was write a half-hearted post. You––my readers––deserve more than that.

But now classes are done. The last week of school is always off-campus learning, so I am off to the Cape for the next week! I almost don't know what to do with myself, with all this free time I now have. A weekend without homework?! It was strange––in a wonderful way––waking up this morning with nothing I had to do. Waking up leisurely, making myself breakfast, and actually being able to enjoy it versus scarfing it down before I get to the bus stop. Now that classes are done, I am moving into a new season of writing: summer. I am fortunate to go to a high school that doesn't assign a lot of summer work, which means I can use my free time to focus on my writing. It's true that when you step away from it for awhile, it can be hard to get back into the groove, just like running (this is another journal I am hoping to post very soon). I could just compile all of my journals into one mega-post, but what's the fun in that? Instead, over the next week or so, I will be posting different stories and pictures from San Diego in hopes of finally catching up with the current day.

Wishing you all a beautiful and relaxing weekend,

Megan ;)

P.S. If you're wondering what the little spots in my oatmeal are, they're called chia seeds, a.k.a. "runner's food." My mom just introduced me to them. They don't have much flavor, but they have more omega-3 than salmon!  Click here for more chia seed benefits.

LIVE from San Diego

Hello, this is Megan Lovely coming to you LIVE from San Diego! As I sit outside our hotel room typing away, the sun is breaking through the clouds, joggers, runners, and bikers take advantage of the morning air before the humidity kicks in, and a palm tree sways ever so slightly. It seems strange to have nothing to do. Rather, it seems strange to have nothing I need to do. The past few weeks have been filled with "I should do this," and "I should get ahead," but I can do all that at home. Being able to sit and just chat in the car, not trying to scribble out a few math problems or get ahead on my Art honors, has seemed unreal, uncomfortable, even.

This trip has certainly given me lots of writing time. Every day I've been treated to over an hour of writing time, something I may be lucky to get once a week back home. And boy, am I glad, because there's so much to write about! I can hardly finish one entry before something else snags my attention, jumping, begging, pleading to be written about. "Memememe! Write about me!" they all shout. I am like a mother of triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, being pulled in a million and one directions. If only I were an octopus...

I promise I have many journals (and pictures!) to share with you, but I thought this post would be a good little introduction. There's just too many things to notice here to put only on the "Did you notice..." page, so I thought this post would be a preview for all those journals by highlighting just the little moments which the journals sprouted from. Starting from the airport, everything that has caught my eye...

Did you notice on the plane ride...

See: 35,000ft in the air and the mountain ranges look like sand flats, chipmunk cheeks and a bowl haircut, white everywhere (Owen says it looks like heaven up here)
Hear: the roar of an airplane on the runway, two chatty blue-eyed blondies in the seat behind me (I've never heard "hi" so many times in my life), "Patrick, you've got round hair," the ding! of the bathroom light
Smell: fried food two rows ahead
Taste: ginger ale, trail mix, mango-flavored pineapple in the trail mix (why don't they just have dried pineapple?)
Feel: the plane take flight

Did you notice in the airport...

See: a college student very concentrated on eating his sandwich, iPhones, iPads, iPods and other Steve Jobs memorials, iced coffee, headphones, cheap souvenirs
Hear: suitcases rolling on tile, angry passengers who missed their flight, planes taking off on the runway, planes landing on the runway
Smell: pizza, hamburgers, coffee
Taste: excitement, anticipation (1 hour 'til takeoff!)
Feel: the ground vibrate


Did you notice in San Diego... (what isn't there to notice?)

See: palm tree dancers with pineapple hats, seals inching their way up the beach like big, fat inch worms, lovers initials carved in rock (Mom calls them "hieroglyphics"), Tiki torches, mallard ducks in the hallway, the amusement park upside down, Pop-Art feet (who knew feet could be art?), houses with character, California surfer dudes (long hair, bare feet, no shirt), 40 aspiring triathlon Olympians cross the finish line, 20+ country flags
Hear: Cornell the Parrot, the waves crashing, the achy creak of an old roller coaster (1925), the same man playing guitar on the beach at 7:30am, the Great Britain National Anthem
Smell: seaweed, saltwater, tacos, burritos, tacos (tacos are like hamburgers here), sunscreen on my skin,
Taste: fish tacos from two places (not a fan), an avocado and honey smoothie (interesting), a mission-accomplished chocolate milkshake after an hour walk and an extra two blocks
Feel: the Pacific Ocean waves lap at my feet, Pacific Ocean sand between my toes and fingers, California sun warm my shoulders, the surfboard lift with the swell of the wave, my stomach in my throat, a pretty flower in my hair, sunglasses on my head

And we still have two more days here, so this list will certainly get bigger! But I couldn't wait to share :) Sending warm thoughts your way!

Sweet and Sunny Dreams,

Megan ;)

Not Much Shorter

http://aicjan2012.blogspot.com/2012/01/actors-know-your-sizes.html

It's just me and my brother Owen in my family. Owen's two grades younger than I am, two and a half years. I never really noticed when he started to really "get big," until this year. The first time I really noticed was when he stepped on the basketball court with the 8th graders, one of four 7th graders to make the varsity middle school team. He was so proud. I was so proud.

Nearly every other day he makes me stand up to see if he's taller than me yet. I still hold a proud quarter inch on him, a quarter inch I won't let him forget. But I would be a fool to deny that he is getting bigger. Last time we went to church I let him step in front of me to receive Communion (like my dad lets me step before him), only to realize that he wasn't that much shorter than me. Pretty soon I will be stepping in front of him! No. I'll still make him step in front of me.

Today was another one of those days when I realize how big Owen is getting. At track practice he ran with the high schoolers, and he fit right in, trailing off their tails. My grandma says Owen's gotten more mature this year. I personally find this a bit hard to admit when he still captures every opportunity to make some juvenile joke (which he still hasn't learned I can't respond to with the reaction he's looking for). Then tonight he had a winter sports award banquet. He left dressed in a suit and with his hair combed, and made me give him the sniff test to make sure he didn't still smell like track (I advised he spray a little bit of cologne). He came home bearing a trophy for Most Dedicated Athlete of the season, out of all the middle school teams. I was so happy all his hard work from basketball season had paid off: all those early practices, all those cold afternoons he spent shooting hoops, all the times he shook the house with his dribbling...he deserves it.

But really, what happened to the little boy who used to crawl into bed with me when he had a nightmare? Who used to dance with me? Who used to booby trap the house, inspired by his favorite movie at the time, "Home Alone?" What happened to that little blue-eyed blondie? He's right here in my lap, now past the stage when he's too cool to give me a hug, but maybe it's only because no one's watching. And if I look hard enough, I still see that little boy. I'll always see that little boy.

Did you notice?

At A Standstill

http://ravis-sante.deviantart.com/art/rainy-heart-124198359

Everything today has been going slowly. I wake up, brush my teeth, and just lay in bed for thirty minutes with my glasses on but my eyes closed. Just thinking. Smiling. The house is quiet except for the light pitter-patter of the rain on the windowpanes. All the more reason to stay in bed. Eventually, though,  I do get up. I stretch, make myself breakfast (oatmeal of course, especially on a dreary morning) and chew slowly. Even my Global Studies homework doesn't seem so bad. I write word by word, pause. Let a daydream pass through. Mom and Michael come home from an auction. I admire the treasures they brought home and we chat. No rush. 

All day goes by like this, quickly but slowly. I am aware of each hour passing by, and it's a wonderful feeling, to be in no hurry. To be able to take my sweet 'ole time with everything. All day I journal, move my pen like a paintbrush across the page. I am in a daze. I'm not giddy or giggly or jumpy like I've been all week, but just genuinely happy, fulfilled. All day I smile to myself and listen to my favorite songs on repeat and let my mind wander. It's a beautiful day when you can let your mind take a leisurely stroll through dreamland without any curfew. I'll have to give my mind a vacation more often.

Lights...Camera...Action!

http://tsufit.com/blog/11-free-secrets-of-the-spotlight/

In a pretty pouffy petticoat I skip and spin and try not to trip.

I sing my notes high...whoops! Not that high!

Smile! Smile! Stretch it a mile!

Keep on beat, don't shuffle your feet

Again, again! Let's run it again!

Slow down, it's your turn now

Take your time and enjoy the bow. 

This week has been a stressful yet very exciting week because tomorrow night is the opening night of our high school musical, Gilbert and Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance!" Everyone's been working so hard and the show's really coming together. Even though dress rehearsal week is always stressful because we don't get home until 8 o'clock every night, meaning I don't get to really start my homework until then and also meaning I've probably been going on an average of six hours of sleep every night this week, I know as soon as I step on that stage tomorrow night and see a live audience, as soon as I step under that spotlight in my pretty pretty dress we rented that makes me feel like a princess and turns on the five-year-old instincts in me to twirl until I topple, it will all be worth it. When we all hold hands and take our bow as our family and friends cheer, I know all the stress and exhaustion I have felt all week will be replaced with the utmost adrenaline that keeps me up late into the night. To power me through the week, I've fueled myself with my favorite foods (purple cow ice cream with a brownie counts as fuel, right?). When you're stressed or have a lot on your plate, how do you keep yourself going and organized? A lot of the stress I think I create for myself. Somehow I always seem to take twice as long on my homework as I need to, often times because it's a lot easier than I make it out to be. I certainly could use a lesson or two about time management, and take a page out of how to "work smarter, not harder." Yet in all the insanity, I am happy to report that I have not forgotten to notice. Actually, it was pretty impossible not to notice in a week like this week with so much going on! After this weekend the play will be over and I will be taking off with track! Pretty soon I'll have a post saying "On your mark...set...go!" I hope you all had a fabulous week. It was beautiful weather around here; hard to believe it was winter!

Sweet Dreams,

Megan ;)

Finding Time

"Can't do this, can't do that. Owen, please! I just don't have time," I found myself yelling to my brother the other night. Time is the one thing we never seem to have enough of. Rather, it seems to be the one thing we always tell ourselves we don't have enough of. Like my mom says about money, no matter how much you have, if you're always telling yourself you don't have enough, you never will.

Easier said than done, though, when you have homework, friends, sports, drama, family, and a million other things pulling you in a million and one directions. I often find myself struggling to enjoy being in the moment, because I am constantly thinking about what I have to do later. It's sometimes hard to enjoy hanging out with my friends when I know that I have a huge history paper to do later   that night. I need to put myself in a box, blind and deaf and unaware of anything else around me so I can just focus on being right there, right then, in the moment. Because, as the cliché goes, life is too short, so we must live every moment for what it's worth. And if I'm constantly thinking about the next thing on my agenda, no matter how much I accomplish at the end of the day, it will never be enough. As Emerson wrote, "It is not length of life, but depth of life." I would much rather die young knowing that I made every second count, then live to be 100 with nothing accomplished. 

So I must make the time for what matters to me most, because if something's important enough, I should be able to find the time. This blog is important to me. It's a way of expressing myself, a way of reflecting, and serves as a good self-check. And, it's a way for me to share my stories with you and hopefully a place where you can share yours with me, too. So when you go to sleep tonight, think about what you accomplished today. If you find yourself struggling to find something, then make a pledge to make tomorrow count. Find substance in whatever you do. 


Sweet Dreams,


Megan ;)