Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Weirdly Coincidental Dream

Some people claim they don't dream. I heard once that everyone dreams, but it is a question of one remembering them. Personally, I love to dream. Sometimes when I lay down to sleep, I just stare at the ceiling for a few moments, wondering what I'm going to dream about. It's exciting, really, because in a dream, you're invincible. You can be anyone, anything. The possibilities are endless! Often I find that I'm much braver in a dream than I would be normally, bolder, more confident. Sometimes I wish I was more like my dream-self, sometimes I wish I lived in a dream. I love the idea that nothing can go wrong. Because even if you mess up, you can always wake up. I love that feeling when you wake up after a bad dream, lay in bed and feel that relief of, "Oh, thank goodness that was just a dream." I had a dream once where I realized I was in a dream during the dream, and therefore realized I could do whatever I wanted! Unfortunately, the dream ended before I got to the place I had intended to go, but still, fun!

Over the years, people have studied the meaning behind dreams. There are always those forwards that go around with things like, "If you dream about someone, that means they went to sleep thinking about you." Personally, I don't buy it. However, it is interesting to read into the possible explanations behind dreams, especially when they seem extremely irrelevant. Check out this fun website if you're curious about your own dreams!

I usually find that my dreams are oddly relevant to what's going on around me, like last night. Our cross country team once again raced at Franklin Park today, home to the infamous Bear Cage Hill. However, today was fairly more...professional, crowded, and, to be frank, out-right intimidating. There were over 1000 runners registered between the four age groups, about 130 in mine (13-14). As you may recall from last week, my goal was to beat my two teammates who decided to sneak up on me the last 20m. That must've been weighing pretty heavily on my mind last night, as well as my best friend who is recovering from AML Leukemia. From what I remember, I was racing my two friends, which would symbolize the upcoming race. However, this wasn't just a cross country race; this was a cross country race on unicorns! I remember thinking to myself in the dream, "Unicorns were her [my best friend] favorite animal when we were kids! So, I'm gonna win this race in honor of her!" Representing my "urge to surge." Unfortunately, my teammates beat me, and I woke up in the middle of the night thinking, half-delirous, "Could this be a sign?" Ignoring it, I went back to bed.

In the morning I told my teammates the dream, which we all laughed at. However, when we arrived at Franklin Park we saw, plastered on every poster, none other than...a unicorn! And sure teammates beat me.

That's probably one dream I wish didn't come true...but it was still a good race :)

Sweet dreams,
Megan ;)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Urge to Surge

"It's a big field. Know why it's a big field? 'Cause it's a big line." This is the inspirational speech my friend's coach gave to them at the beginning of a Franklin Park cross country race, last year. Now here I am, a year later, on this same field. And it's is a big field. To my left, to my right...jerseys. Boys and girls, whether we want to be here or not, we all have the same thing on our minds...the race. I tunnel myself so I can't even see my teammates beside me. Get out fast...Find my place, then my pace... "On your mark...set..." Only the field ahead...And the horn.

Franklin Park, one of the most famous cross country courses in the country, not for it's particularly fabulous scenery or hills, but for the field. That big, big field. Because you see, that big, big field becomes a marshland when it rains, sucking up cross country spikes like a black hole and sinking the runners like quick sand. You must drive your knees, get on the balls of your feet and explode off that starting line. This course especially, you determine the race within the first 100m.

Bear Cage Hill is another infamous aspect of Franklin Park cross country course. Long abandoned and featured in 2003's crime/mystery/drama "Mystic River," it crumbles like dry sand and weeds grab through the rusty bars like old witch's hands. Pictures do not do the eeriness of the cages justice, as I reach the top of the hill and swear I hear a distant roar. I quicken my steps and roll with the downhill. There is this boy on my cross country team who told me that whenever he's feeling slow in a race, he just imagines a giant bear chasing after him. Well, here you go!

It is just a 1.1mi race today, and already I am more than halfway done. In fact, coming out of the woods I see the finish line, a quarter mile ahead. By this point I am probably about 5th or 6th, so I lengthen my stride a bit but probably not nearly enough to notice. Then, the final 200m. Time for my surge. But again, I may pump my arms a little harder but really I just keep my decent pace and zone in on the finish line. 20m to go...I beat the boys! But...

Out of the corner of my eye I see the first boy on my cross country team, and looking back I should've realized then and there that the others couldn't be too far behind him. But I didn't; just kept my pace and then I saw...the second and shortly after, the third. This race, I focused on going out race, I should probably work on finishing strong too...

Sweet Dreams,

Megan ;)

On Moving On

Bad Romance Lady Gaga
Breakeven (Falling to Pieces) The Script
Fifteen Taylor Swift
G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out) Miley Cyrus
Grenade Bruno Mars
Hot n' Cold Katy Perry
Just the Way You Are Bruno Mars
Love Drunk Boys Like Girls
Fall For You Secondhand Serenade
Mixed Up Hannah Montana
Picture to Burn Taylor Swift
Shine Hilary Duff
The Story of Us Taylor Swift
Teardrops on My Guitar Taylor Swift
Who's That Girl? Hilary Duff
You Belong With Me Taylor Swift
7 Things Miley Cyrus

We're not gonna win every battle; we're not gonna win every guy. We're not gonna win every race; no matter how hard we try. Sometimes we try, and we try and we try and we try and we still, still cannot get the guy. All we keep asking ourselves is, "Where did I go wrong?" Nowhere. Most likely, you did nothing; even more likely, you probably did everything right but it just wasn't enough. Sometimes it won't always be, no matter how many times people tell you, "Your best is good enough." Sometimes, we just have to take our losses and move on, because after a certain point, the more you bet, the more you lose.  And you owe it to yourself to not prolong the pain. Don't get stuck in a whirlpool.

When I find myself stuck, I listen to music. I make playlists and listen over and over and over again. It's comforting, because you realize you're not alone. Someone else, someone even as popular as Taylor Swift or Bruno Mars, has felt the same pain as you. They, too, have been vulnerable at some point. And where you, we, I at least, may lack the words, they fill in. It's almost as if eventually, after listening to a song enough, I start to believe it.

Sweet dreams,

Megan ;)

Crazy Dreams

First off, I must start by saying that this should have been posted over a month ago. I've had this written since the middle of September, but who knew high school would be this crazy? High school! High school is the time to make something of ourselves. To redefine who we were in middle school. Whether we were the dorky kid with glasses or the school jock, we’re all jumping into high school without a life vest. Isn’t that why 9th grade is called “Freshman Year”? So we can become a “fresh” “man” (or wo"man”)? High school is the perfect opportunity to start over. Whether you’re going into a brand new school, whether you know everybody or not a soul, even if you’re with the same kids you’ve been with since 7th, and some 5th grade (like my school)...I wish I could say no one’s going to remember the time you walked into a door in 7th grade, or wore that hideous sweater to picture day in 6th. But what I can say is that it won’t matter; it won’t matter as long as you don’t let it get to you. Because those moments aren’t you, and as long as you don’t define yourself with them then nobody else can. We live in a society where we believe what we hear. If you stand confidently enough, people will believe who you say you are. 

We all really are “wild magnolias” coming into high school. A lot of us (me at least) enter high school shielding our face with our petals, our only goal how to get from Point A to Point B without being noticed. But within that shy flower is blossom. The possibilities are endless. As Natasha Bedingfield writes, “Drench yourself in words unspoken, live your life with arms wide open. Today is, where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.” Like having a blank journal, like the one I just bought. 200 blank pages. 200 blank pages just waiting to be filled. In some ways I feel like it is all already written; I just need to scratch away at it, like a lottery ticket or one of those black pieces of paper that you scratch with Chinese sticks and underneath is a rainbow of colors; whatever you call it. But of course that is impossible, because not all of it has happened yet. Rather, none of it has happened yet because I still have to live it. It’s exciting, having 200 blank pages to fill. It’s like standing in a wide open field and just sprinting across, barefoot. The possibilities are endless, and I can’t help but wonder who will be the main characters in this book and who will be pushed to the side. Who will be the love interest or who will make in-and-out appearances and where the twists will occur. 

The quote on the cover of my previous journal was by Thoreau: “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.” Wouldn’t it be perfect for the cover of a journal that travels to Spain and Ireland and goes cross-country? But while I may not have been living it up in some foreign country with croissants and PiƱa Coladas, my very first entry was about my friend Ide. A poem written as if I were a bystander underneath the water, stuck in a glass case that I couldn’t break out of, as he drowned. That summer the phrase, “Live your life,” was the theme song of my days. After Ide died, I made it my tribute to him to make every second count. Whenever I hesitated, I just ran and plunged in harder, like a warrior on a battlefield. So, I “lived the life I imagined”.  

My new journal sports the proverb, “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly...” In other words, “when one door closes, another one opens.” So the next year or two years or 15 months or however long it takes me to complete my new journal, I will always look ahead. I will walk until the rainbow emerges.

And “Crazy Dreamer” is the title of my blog. In fact, everything I’ve mentioned is the reason why I’m writing this blog. Because I love to write, and I want to publish something someday. So I need to practice. Like running track or being in the drama program, I need to make a commitment to my writing if I want to make my dream come true. And sure, maybe that dream isn’t outrageous; I’m sure there are millions of people who dream of getting published. But I also have dreams of traveling; of going to Africa to teach, of studying abroad, of getting married and having kids dreams are endless. But the point I want to make is that no dream is “crazy”. Or, scratch that, maybe it is crazy, but aren’t crazy ideas always the best ones?

High school is our time to shine. It is the scary reminder that time really does fly, because when you’re in middle school and you start thinking of what you want to be when you grow up, you have “Hey, I still have all of high school,” to lean on. But when you’re in high school, the next step is college. So now is probably a pretty good time to start thinking what you want to do with your life. And I’m not saying you have to be absolute; heck, some people don’t realize what they want in life until they’re 40.  But it never hurts to get a head start. 

So I promise you, my readers, that I will update this blog a minimum of once a week with tips I pick up, funny stories, or anything that inspires me. And I urge you to do the same! In fact, I beg you to do the same! Because this journey through high school is not something anyone should have to do alone. So come along, join me for this crazy roller coaster ride. Post anything that comes to mind! Because this is your blog as much as mine. Make the most of it! All I ask is that you promise to never let go of your crazy dreams.